A few more faces and facets from Matilda tonight.
A couple thoughts have been running through my mind today.
First, it seems as though her arrival here has instantaneously, or throughly and perfectly, rewritten my own history. I am no longer only Pat, even in my own mind's eye...I am now Matilda's dad. Looking back at the crazy stuff I did in college, weekends in Fargo to visit buddies at NDSU--cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon, 2 am car rides on an empty tank of gas to the casino in Mahnomen; several years spent lingering in Madison, WI; the Habitat for Humanity trips to other countries...mistakes I have made, things I have done right. It's no longer only me who did those things, took those adventures, fell on my face in those moments of goofiness...it's now also Matilda's dad who did all those things. And for worse and for better, I will have to tell her those stories in days to come, with pride and with chagrin. I don't want to hide either my successes or my failures from her.
Second thought...focusing on the failures, the goofiness, the mistakes...they don't matter anymore. Though I have done a lot of good things in my life, I just have this feeling that now, everything is alright. That may be a bit self-centered, but I have this feeling that since I have now contributed to the creation of someone so wonderful and filled with potential humanity--again, both for worse and better--that some of my sins and mistakes have been absolved.
Pat, thanks so much for sharing the artistry of your photographic eye and your reflective thoughts. We'll welcome you back to work soon, hoping that your two lovely gals will come with you sometime! So happy for you all...
ReplyDeleteSounds like you need to listen to "Thanksgiving" by Poi. Puts your thoughts to music quite nicely.
ReplyDeletehi Heidi,
ReplyDeleteThat song was one of our frist dance songs at our wedding! I love that song.
(We are both so stubborn that we each had to have our own first dance song...that was mine).
Hi Pat and Emma!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear of Miss Tilly's birth. Isn't it fantastic being a parent. It really changes everything. Tim and I had Franklin in November--Pat I think we sent you an update via email around that time. Anyways, feel free to check out our blog anytime you're interested. Frankie is a total Tank (that's his nickname). He's growing like a weed and is full of giggles and rolls. Hope to catch up with you soon.
Sarah, Tim and Franklin Dallum